Im a logical, rational person, and until recently was considered a type-a personality. A full time job, my own business, very involved with my community, holding office and member on several boards of local non-profits....
Then three years ago, everything began to change. I dont readly share my health issues with my friends and co-workers, I just never felt it necessary.
After a chain of events that resulted in three shoulder surgeries, and ultimately my diagnosis of fibromyalgia, there were times I had to discuss it to explain my sudden, drastic change in behavior, and inability to continue with current obligations.
I only told my boyfriend, a couple of my closest friends and family members.
I have been shocked, and yes, even crushed by the broad spectrum of responses.
My boyfriend was wonderful...he is a common sense and logic kind of guy, so he did what I knew he would....hit the internet snd read everything he possibly could on both endometriosis and fibromyalgia. He has been amazing.
The one that is the most crushing and heart breaking is from someone I considered my best friend for the past 18 years.
We have worked together on many projects, but while I am organized and linear in thought, she is very manic, impulsive and will more than likely be hours late to her own funeral....but I love her dearly.
A year ago, while working on a project, my fibromyalgia was beginning to manifest itself, and I could no longer spend unlimited hours (over and above my full time job) working in front of a computer editing photos, designing and laying out massive marketing projects with critical deadlines.
At the end a major project last year, I said I would take it on again, but only if the timeline I layed out was respected...no last minute 36 hour marathon crunches.
During the past year I have upheld the timeline and my obligations, stressing at every turn that an insane manic mad dash at the end was not an option for me.
During the year, as my symptoms increased, I sent her websites, articles, everything I could so she would understand just what we were dealing with and just how serious I was.
Well, none of it mattered, and I have had to downright get mean with to force her to keep critical deadlines to no avail.
So after banging my head against the wall, I finally came to the painful realization, that it just doesnt matter to her.
The thought that she would sacrifice my health and well being to accomplish her goal made me realize, that I must not matter enough to her to get her to try to understand.
The reality is people establish expectations of each other within relationships, we each have a role...and now I can no longer fill that role.
It broke my heart to realize that our friendship was realy only as deep as what role I fulfilled, and the changing of that role was not allowed, even though I explained the physical pain and exhaustion....
After a lot of crying and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that rather than continue to pound my head against a wall trying to make her understand, it is healthier for me in the long run to just walk away.
The bottom line is I can't expect her to change, or even understand how this illness has robbed me off my ability to do the things I love most...I can't control how she processes the information I have given her, but I can control how I let someone treat me, and how I treat myself.
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